Life seems to have become a checkpoint of not my accomplishments, but of others'. It seems more like a comparison than ever before. Does this mean I am 'social' at last? Or does it mean the exact opposite?

Maybe the prospect of 'stepping into the unknown' has triggered it. This might have happened before, a good 5 years earlier, maybe I could not name it then. Its when one is forced to break one's own security, that one is left bewildered at a threshold this way.

This was bound to happen. Situations mold a person in ways unimaginable. It is this vulnerable openness around me, or some aberrant change in myself, that I have become aware of emotions around me at this magnitude. Its suffocating. So diverse they are that I feel myself surrounding by these multitude of colours that continue pressing down on me heavier than ever.

A friend termed this as 'quarter-life crisis', but I have never believed in the charm of compartmentalizing. The Me, who comes out of each such day, is the one I carry forward. I feel the change everyday, however small the delta. Its this uncertainty, this rawness , that is scary. Even the safest haven has been uprooted, even the calmest thought been provoked.


Comparisons seem an unavoidable chore, and pain is all I am left with.