- - -

• S C A R E D

• S C A R R E D

• S A C R E D

Which one are you?

Incomplete

I have wondered about this quite often- Does it matter that you don't live up to the 'expectations' that others have from you, but only by your own means? It ain't a crime to formulate your own rules, lay down you own terms.. and it shouldn't leave a nag behind.. but strangely, thats what you are left with.. Is it a troubled conscience? A belief that things could have been done better if you would have bent your set of rules? A war of your pride, rationality v/s common sense? Why is it that even after doing what you have wanted to, you don't feel contended? Is it because you overcame the friction too easily? A battle would have made it worth it? Or is it that you honestly think there is a better way out there.. If this was so, I am of the nature to accept my mistake and take a reverse.. But thats the hardest part.. Sometimes you just don't come to know why do you feel so.. Incomplete.

i'm not ever going to know if i'm right or wrong
'cause we're all going in the same direction
And i'm not sure which way to go because all along
We have been going in the same direction

--Hoobastank
Same Direction

Musings of a worn out Mind.. Reflected.

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head,
To work my mind, when body's work's expired:
For then my thoughts, from far where I abide,
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see
Save that my soul's imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee and for myself no quiet find.

--William Shakespeare (Sonnet XXVII.)

BOOM!

Well, now every boom sounds like a gunshot.

I stepped out today to see Mumbai crawling back into motion.. A bit wobbly, but .. it was a kind of desperate attempt to stay in a pre-proposed momentum. As if, this was something that has to be done anyway.. irrespective that there might be acid rain or bird-flu or a plane crash.. But thats something different, ain't it?

The newspapers featured some first sings of crisis management. Articles about how a child's psychology should be handled at this hour, lest this incident make an adverse lasting impact on the child.. Quite general, really, but well, atleast someone thought about it. Frankly, I hadn't. Am not much of "Oh what a cute baby!" kind of a person, and kids don't usually excite me. Getting back to the point, I was kind of impressed that someone else too is thinking about 'What next.'

Managing borders, obviously is important, now that we have formed borders and swear by them. No use wasting my energy over talking about this certain god that has failed. Point is that I have my doubts about whether the major mass has understood even a crappy bit of this 3 day long horror. Though I am thoroughly impressed by the media coverage, I am shuddering at the thought of how certain channels might twist this event now that its over. They are already saying that its a 'war on Mumbai' (which now they have corrected into what they think is politically and morally and patriotically correct- 'war on India'..duh.. like that makes a difference!) It was pathetic to see how people were rejoicing once they thought the operation was over.. Was it a match that we won? An attack that we dodged? A battle that has made us win laurels? What were they rejoicing for? A more than 150 lives that were lost? For bereaved families? Its not a computer game for heaven's sake! Its not CS! This is real.. These are real guns.. Real people.. Made of flesh and blood, who if shot, die, without getting any extra lives.. Its almost idiotic.. That what I felt like, when I stepped out today. This was just an event. Like I know most of us have to work to earn.. But I hardly care whether this fucking 'spirit of Mumbai' resurfaces.. Cause as I said before, its the way you look at the situation is that what matters the most. This would be the last of the instances of any Tom, Dick or Harry, terrorizing us with AK-47s iff we took this seriously.

Lighting candles for those who died is not what I have in mind.Yes, I know RDB made quite a hullabaloo about that particular style of protesting, but this not protesting or mourning that we need right now..
First and foremost, its Constant Vigilance. Yes yes, ghisa-pita, but vital!
Second- VOTE! Have your say in something. ( Though I agree that is really really hard to judge which crap is better in all that political muck..)
Third- Let go of the pathetic philosophy of discriminating eachother.. Those who think their culture/religion is better than someone else's, go take a hike. This just shows how low your thought process is, discriminating on something that one can't even choose. Everything is based on the choices that one makes. And if you choose to waste the moments of your life dwelling on this, really sorry to inform you mate, but you sure are at rock bottom.. ( dig some more, you might find oil.. will help you make more of your really precious 'money'..(Sorry had to say that!))
Fourth- Think of the bigger picture.

I was almost close to tears the other day.. Tears of desperation. A one man army can't do much over here, sadly. Hence publishing this on my less private blog. Yeah, even a loner has to accept the strength of collective reasoning some rare times..

Concluding with some beautiful lyrics.. Hope they strike a chord with you.. Suggestions are most welcome.

"Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one ."

--John Lennon
(Imagine)

Its all in the head

Yesterday, I called up Dad around 7 in the evening to find out that he was taking a nap and the phone ring woke him up.

"So what's up?"
"Nothing, just got up, will leave for office."
"Erm, excuse me, isn't it like 5 in the evening?" (takin the time difference into consideration)
"No, its 7 in the morning. Its Saturday,22nd, and I shall be off to office soon."
"Its Friday. 21st and its evening time. Don't you have a newspaper around?"
"I do. But its yesterday's."
(Note to self: start freaking out.)
"Dad, are you still half asleep? Wash your face or something, it is still the 21st."
(Read: What the hell are you talking about?? Pinch yourself hard!! Wake up!! Look around!! Shake your head!!)
But that was about as much I could do sitting 1204miles away with this stupid receiver in my hand, which wasn't transmitting any kind of sense to him.

Turned out that he was half asleep and all of this was a result of being woken up abruptly.. Phew! That sure did scare me! But it sure made me wonder.. about a hell lot of things..

Its all in the head, isn't it? Its all about what you think it is. If you think you are from Mars, I would have a hard time convincing you that you aren't. Coming closer home, if you think it is a beautiful day, I would have a hard time ruining it. (Not that I would, but try catching the drift.)
Its all about how you perceive things, people, situations. They really might not be of the color you think they are of, but you still believe that your perceived hue is the correct one. Even the most rational of the thought processes are directly proportional to the way they are perceived. So what is real then? You think you are loved, are you? You feel hated, unwanted.. are you? Or is it just the way you want to see things as? What makes sense? Living in your world, or tearing it down to reach out to the muck and analyze it? And mind you, it might not be muck after all.. So what does make sense? Your perception versus 'reality'. Is reality even worth analyzing?

100s of questions.. But this is how my thought process goes.. Chains of questions.. Each leading to another aspect.. Another perception of another situation.. But its all in the head, right?

We do not view things as they are;
We view things as we are.

Booting Up..

I am specially attached to lyrics.. What better way to start this blog?

So here goes.. Now, special attention to these that follow. I have heard the actual song only once. Hence, these are irrespective of the background scores/singers, etc.

Why this particular set of verses?- A harsh reminder of something that is vital, extremely sensitive; and yet neglected by almost every single being. Read through, you might grasp my point..


And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?

Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings,
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down.
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut.

--Pink Floyd
The Final Cut